Home sweet home.

Holly was in hospital for 102 days. 14 weeks and 4 days. 3 and a half months. She has been home for exactly one month today (28^th march (it has taken me a while to finish off the post and it is now 11^th april and she has been home for 6 weeks) and it has been amazing to say the least…….

Apologies for not writing sooner, we have been very busy bees. The last time I wrote we had not long been transferred to Warwick hospital, since then things changed quite rapidly. Matt and I were allowed to be a lot more involved in taking care of Holly and we were allowed to have out of the incubator for a cuddle when ever we wanted, we didn’t have to ask permission to hold our baby! This meant that every single waking moment was spent at the hospital, most days from 8am or 9am until 1am or 2 am the next morning, we popped home for lunch and again for dinner which probably accounted for an hour and half of our day, but it was impossible too leave her now that were allowed to behave as if she was actually ours, we finally started to feel a little bit like we were parents for the first time. So we did everything from preparing her milk to giving her medicine, changing her sheets… lots of very regular mundane things, but these just made us finally feel like we were actually of some use to Holly, that she needed us, which was lovely.

We also had a few ups and downs over the weeks in Warwick hospital, she started having quite serious episodes of bradycardi (where a babies heart rate drops below 60bpm) this would be like an adult have 30 or  less heart beats on average every minute. The scary part was that they had no idea why this had suddenly started and weren’t being very successful at making the problem go away. Quite often the pauses in-between each one of her heart beats were so long that her “critical” alarm would go off, and there were a hand full of times that it alarmed that her heart had stopped all together, these events were indescribable – seeing the number 0 on your baby’s heart monitor is a moment you never forget, but spend every sleepless night wishing you could. Holly also had an extremely bad reaction to some medication they used to dilate her pupils, she spent about 24 hrs needing to be given oxygen because she continuously stopped breathing, a reaction that has been seen in premature babies on a number of occasions, so I often found my self asking why they would give Holly (at only 32 weeks – so she should still be in my belly for another 2 months) a medication that is known to cause such a horrendous reaction in full term babies, even children as old as 8 yrs old!? But, as with everything they do for prem babies, they is always a bad for every good that they do, and quite often the risk is necessary, in this case it was to ensure that Holly would not grow up to be blind due to her prematurity. It doesn’t make the pill any easier to swallow though.

Any way, all that matters is all the problems we have encountered on our journey have slowly but surely disappeared, and we have a beautiful, healthy baby girl sleeping right next to us in her mosses basket. In her home. Where she belongs. When this roller coaster started, and I went into labour 16 weeks early, I spent every day wondering what I had done to deserve this? Why do Matt and I have to endure the pain of seeing our little girl in an incubator hooked up to numerous machines? Why is it that my baby girl has to be put through this when so many other little babies get to go home, healthy, with their families just a day or two after they’re born? Then one day, I'm not sure when, but I realised why. It was because she was born to do it. She was strong enough and brave enough to keep fighting every single day. I had a little miracle growing inside my tummy, she knew it all along, but we weren’t allowed to know until she was ready to show us exactly how special she was. We weren’t cursed, we were blessed. So many others (75% infact) do not have the same story to tell as me, there’s unfortunately does not have a happy ending.

Matt and I are the proudest parents ever, we never imagined that our story would end in this way, we believed many times along this journey that we were going to loose our baby girl. But we never did. She has amazed her dad and me every single day with how determined and strong she has been. Much much stronger than Matt or I have been able to be. There were many tears shed over the 102 days she was in hospital but not once did  Matt and I fight…… we were there for each other when life got tougher than, even in your wildest nightmares, you could imagine it to be. Matt never left mine or Hollys side once, he stayed strong and rational, when I was anything but. Sorting out the purchase of our new home, the sale of our old home, keeping his business up and running, earning a living to support the three of us… all of this whilst changing his 1lb 7oz baby’s heart leads, her oxygen probes, cleaning her ventilator tubes, changing her nappies…. If ever there was an example of what a true father and husband should be, Matt would be it. He has become the Father and husband I always dreamed he would become, Holly and I are 2 lucky ladies, that’s for sure.

Holly is now 5 months old, weighs just over 8lb and has no eye sight problems, no heart problems and no breathing problems. She eats like a little piggy and has just started giggling and smiling and is very nearly sitting up on her own… a few more weeks and I’m sure she will have it nailed!

Thank you for reading all about our life over the last 5 months…. I wish anybody who is going through the same or similar situation all the luck and love in the world.

All our love,

Matt, Jenni & Holly 

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